I really wish I could tell you good news. That after these past couple of months of silence on the blog, that we’re all healed up.
Let’s backtrack a couple of months. Our last colonoscopy really gave us a ray of hope.
You know how our colon is like this upside down U shape? From your butt, it goes up from your left side and then it turns into a sharp corner and goes across your body, and then goes down again on the right side. Our new doctor had wanted to take a look and see how his body was doing before she planned out her next plan of action. Clement’s colon was looking pretty inflamed and ulcered all the way up from the butt, but once we hit the corner, Clement said that it was the first time he had seen his colon look clearer and not red. There was scarring, so for sure colitis had ravaged that part before, but for the first time in a very long time, we had hope that he was healing. His doctor said that the lower part of your colon is the hardest part to heal. And because he’s been sick for so long, it’s taking even longer to heal. She prescribed Clement some really high dosage of steroids for 8 weeks to help keep the inflammation down in hope to induce healing in the lower part of the colon so he can finally get out of this flare-up, which has been a year and a half in the making.
We ended the bout of steroids about 2 weeks ago now, and sadly, the symptoms have returned and it just feels like there hasn’t been any progress. For a little while there, Clement looked like he was getting better. We had a really good week and we were honestly so hopeful. Then all of a sudden, we had what it seemed like the smallest of arguments, so easily avoidable, and he started to turn for the worse again. I can’t help blame myself for that – here I was, supposedly supporting my husband and yet I caused him more stress that probably made him sicker. Honestly, it’s been so incredibly heartbreaking. Lord, when is this going to end? Is it ever going to end? People wonder how I’m coming through all this and I will be honest with you. It’s been really hard seeing my husband, so full of life, having to hold back on life because he’s not well. I know it sounds selfish compared to what he’s experiencing, but as a type A person, it’s been so hard not being able to really help. That it seems like in spite of tears and hours pleading with the Lord, all the things we’ve done, nothing is giving us relief.
And it’s also been hard because chronic disease is not easy for a lot of people to understand. When you look at Clement, you may not know that he is sick. That he worries about going out and the availability of washrooms and the proximity to our home. He’s really got one of those invisible diseases, plus he’s really good at hiding it. If you ask him for help, he will do his utmost best to do it. He would do his best to not let this sickness stop him, but the reality is, this sickness has. Behind close doors, and accidents, and the bleeding and the tiredness, the reality is he’s so sick and I can’t believe he’s been sick for this long. As his partner, sometimes, I don’t know how much longer his body is going to hold up like this.
I mustered up the strength and the time to write this post today because I’ve been feeling rather overwhelmed. I’m coming into Month 4 of being self-employed as a business owner and there’s really been tons of learning experiences and I’m coming to the point where I really feel like I need help – like an assistant. I’ve been praying and I’m still thinking about it as my business has been growing, praise God, but I am also struggling with the ability to trust another person with my work. But I know I probably have to do it, because I want to achieve that balance, of managing my work and still be able to do things for myself, and be a wife to my husband. I’ve been missing days to go out on a walk and pray and memorize my Bible Verses, so I thought, today, in spite of my overflowing inbox, I will put that aside and trust that God will see me through that. That though Clement’s flesh may fail, and my heart may fail, God is still the strength of our heart, and our marriage and our house, and He’ll see us through it. One of the reasons I was writing this post because I’ve felt called by God to start a prayer chain online. A lot of you have heard our story, and I really want to make an impact for God through our story. In the next 40 days, would you please commit some time to pray for Clement and I? It could be 7 seconds, it could be 7 words, it could be 7 minutes, or 7 times a day, at 7am, or 7pm, whatever will suit your needs. You can set an alarm and a timer for yourself so you won’t forget. 40 days in the Bible generally symbolizes a time of trial and probation, and I thought it would be good to come together to commit this time of tribulation for Clement’s healing. Please pray that God would have mercy upon Clement and to heal his body completely of this disease. That God would continue to bless him with long-suffering and perseverance, to see him through this journey of ours. Please pray that we would finally have relief from this flare-up. For wisdom what to do, to know when to rest. That God will continue to raise him up for His Kingdom. Please pray that I would have patience and kindness and wisdom to know how to be a wife to Clement in this journey of ours. That I would find the balance in all my responsibilities. #40daysforClement 40 days from now will be May 17, 2016. Thank you so much in advance.