Hello everyone and Happy New Year!
Three weeks into the new year and into new life as a full-time entrepreneur has really kept my hands full, my heart is full. I’m so thankful that God paved the way for me to do this – I’m so humbled by the experience day after day.
January often comes with the idea of new hopes, new beginning. Clement had a pretty good December I’d say. We really believed that he was on his way to getting better. He was for sure getting one step closer, day by day to remission. I remember a couple of times that Clement and I would go on this little chant that says, “I will be healed by Christmas!”, declaring that God would heal him by Christmas day, since he was doing so well. No bleeding and less frequency. And boy, did we wish Christmas was the day! But ironically, Christmas day was the turning point for the worse. Perhaps it was the stress of travelling or the unexpected delays in flights and all that. While we were at the airport, Clement started getting sick again. It was honestly so heartbreaking and devastating. I mean we were so close! So close to the remission we’ve sought for, and it’s been over a year now.
But praise God because He still provides, and gives us renewed hope. Clement finally has a new doctor that he visited last January 4th. It was a lady that was younger, but was very knowledgeable, and was truly passionate about helping him get better. Clement will be going through another scope this coming Monday, so if you can keep him in your prayers, that would be amazing. She theorized that Entyvio, while slow, may be working, but the bottom part of his colon is the hardest to heal, which may be the reason why he would still have bowel movements after every meal, and bright red blood towards the end of the movements. We’re hoping that with this scope that would be the case, and would confirm the theory. Or, we might stop Entyvio and go back to Remicade and try a higher dosage, because it worked for him before. I thank God for giving us this new hope – and some new opportunities, and also so many people around us that care of us and pray for us.
Another perk of being the boss of myself is that I now have the flexibility to allot time for God during the day. I’ve committed myself to memorize 5 new verses every week, and it’s been truly refreshing to be constantly thinking and remembering God’s word every day, morning and evening. I don’t know how long I can last memorizing this many verses (they’re all from Psalms) but I’ve honestly felt so many times how God’s reminded me of the words when I almost forgot them. And it gives joy to my heart when I’m able to pray using His Word. This one from Psalms 4:7-8, is just so beautiful. Indeed, God has filled my heart with greater joy, than when their grain and new wine abound. And I will lie down and sleep in peace, for the Lord makes me dwell in safety.
I know a lot of small business owners out there including myself can easily have tons of sleepless nights, worrying and thinking and constantly being “on”, inevitably comparing ourselves with other people and how well everyone else is doing. And then add on the complexity of Clement’s sickness and being a wife and a homemaker, it can just seem so overwhelming. But God’s been teaching me so much about seeking Him, and slowly but surely I’m getting filled up with this “greater joy”, and it’s amazing how it’s clearing my mind, and giving me new hope. It’s making me sleep better and worry less, because I know that the Creator of heaven and earth is in control.
One thing I often remind Clement is that I would never ever trade my life with him for anyone else or anything else because this unexpected journey of ours, has made us both stronger together, and also stronger in God, and I’m sure at some point, it’s helped someone or will help someone. I praise God for his sickness. I praise God for this journey. I praise God for Clement and how he is dealing with this sickness. I praise God for giving us the strength and the perseverance and the joy in this suffering. Of course it hurts and it sucks to see him hurting and not healing. But without this journey, I don’t know what our faith in God would’ve been like. We probably wouldn’t have realized what it was like to really need God, to be utterly helpless and desperate. It’s also made us realize even more that this world is not our home. It makes us yearn for heaven, where we know he won’t be sick, and no more tears need to be shed. One day, one day. But for now, we will continue to move forward and to hope in our amazing God.