We'll never get to hold you

Dear our little precious miracle, you are so loved. In the two weeks that you quietly grew in mommy’s womb, you were peaceful, you were at rest. For an entire week, we didn’t even know you were there. It was only because your daddy kept asking mommy where her period was…

Until we took a couple of tests that we confirmed you were there.

You see, little one, mommy and daddy weren’t planning to have you just quite yet. We weren’t trying. We haven’t even had the conversation yet. It was a big question mark for the future. Our lives have been so crazy, your big brother Chase has been having lots of ups and downs (I don’t think you had ears yet but if you did you probably heard him crying), mommy is so busy with her work, and so is daddy, but he is feeling much better health-wise. When we found out that you were here, we thought it must be God’s plan. You were our little surprise, made and surrounded with love. In the one week we knew of your existence, we immediately made space for you in our hearts. We started to pray for you and shower you with every bit of love that we could give. We talked to you every day, and made plans for your room, your crib, your play area, your scrapbook - we weren’t going to let you get unnoticed just because you were going to be the second kid. You were our unexpected but welcomed blessing, even though we didn’t know how it would all work out just yet.

But as quickly as we found out about you, we lost you. It hurts to say that it just wasn’t yet time for you. It hurts to know that we will never get to hold you. It hurts our hearts that we wouldn’t be able to shower you with love earth-side. It hurts thinking that you won’t get to play with your brother Chase who probably won’t be too happy that he’s no longer the center of attention, but we know he will love you fiercely and protect you with all of his little self.

But it blesses our hearts to know that you are in the hands of the One who created you. That you are in heaven, just like your oldest sibling. We hope we get to meet you one day. We love you so, so much.

Till we see you in heaven, love.

Love,

Mommy and Daddy